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Lape Soetan, A Certified Relationship Coach Explains How To Keep Your Identity In A Relationship

Some women find that when they get into a relationship, they seem to lose their personality. Then when the relationship ends, they seem to have lost who they are. They have no idea who they are anymore.

Or if the relationship doesn’t end, as the relationship goes on, they find that they feel like they’re disappearing and as time goes by, they get more and more unhappy. They just don’t seem to have their identity anymore. They have lost themselves. There is a way to prevent that from happening and it’s all in this video. This video is about how to keep your identity in a relationship so don’t go anywhere.

When a woman first gets into a relationship, there’s a tendency to want to want to be with him all the time and to want to please him. That is normal. There’s nothing wrong with that. The problem comes when a woman builds her entire life around the guy so that if the guy leaves or if something goes wrong, then her whole world collapses. Or sometimes, she builds her whole world around the guy and she loses her sense of herself and her identity.

For any relationship to be happy, there has to be a sense of independence in it. This does not mean that you can do anything you want whenever you want but it means that you build a life of your own while building a life with your partner.

Here are some tips on how to keep your identity in a relationship:

  • Have separate interests and hobbies from your partner. Of course, when you’re in a relationship, it’s natural to have the same hobbies as your partner. You guys will do things together and that makes perfect sense but you should always have your own hobbies and your own interests – things that you like that your partner may not like.

The truth is that you and your partner have different personalities so it is natural for you guys to have things that you’re interested in that the other person is not interested in. For example, you might enjoy playing video games and you might play with people all over the world and even get to international competition level. Your boyfriend, your husband, your partner – he may not be interested in that.

Or you might join a gym or a book club and your partner can take it or leave it. It is good when you have your own interests and your own hobbies that he isn’t that interested in and that you can do by yourself.

Don’t hide that part of yourself from him. Don’t keep it from him. Let him know about it because it’s good for him to know and he might even support you. At minimum, he should be fine with it. So even if he doesn’t actively support you, he shouldn’t discourage you from having your own interests or your own hobbies.

If your guy is discouraging you from having a hobby that is helping you, you should actually be wary. That might be a red flag indicating something else. So, keep separate interests and you’ll keep your identity in your relationship.

  • My 2nd tip on how to keep your identity while in a relationship is to have your own friends. Some women, when they get into a relationship, they dump their friends immediately and that’s really sad because there’s something that you get from friendships, particularly with women, that you can’t get from your own guy or your partner.

Don’t dump your friends as soon as you get into a relationship. Unless your friends are bringing you down or doing something negative to you, keep your friends and you’ll keep your identity in your relationship.

  • The 3rd tip I have for you on how to keep your identity in a relationship is to communicate as much as possible. If you want to go away for a weekend with your sister, let him know about it and communicate it clearly. Don’t assume that he doesn’t want you to go anywhere or that he doesn’t want you out of his sight. Let him know what you’re thinking.

If he doesn’t want you out of his sight, that might be telling you something. First of all, try to explain that being with your sister and going away for some time actually helps you become happier and tell him the advantages that can come to him when you do these things as well.

When it comes to communication in relationships, it’s like Gary Vaynerchuk says, ‘over-communicate the truth’. So, to keep your identity in a relationship, keep the lines of communication open.


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